Are you ready to have some faith-based fun with our 30 Funny Bible Jokes? If you’re looking for a good laugh, something to lift your spirits, or even jokes to share at your church gathering or put in the church bulletin for you.
Here’s a collection of the most amusing religious jokes ever. This list of 30 Funny Bible Jokes will surely crack you up.
Why funny Bible jokes?
Many Christians have rigid minds and have assumed that the bible and Christianity should be rigid and completely holy. However, there is Biblical evidence that God enjoys jokes, and you should as well, as long as they are healthy and not abusive. Proverbs 17:22 says that a cheerful heart is like medicine.
The Bible recognizes jokes as a form of medicine, so now that we’ve established that fact, let’s get started!
All of the bible jokes listed below are appropriate for children, teens, and adults.
These jokes are also excellent for starting a sermon or converting believers and unbelievers to Christianity. It aids your audience’s or students’ retention of the sermon or conversations.
Related: 50 Funny Bible Trivia Questions.
30 Funny Bible Jokes That Will Crack You Up
Here are funny Bible jokes that will crack you up and give to you the happiness you desire:
#1. A plane full of unattractive people collided head-on with a truck. When they died, God granted them all one wish. “I want to be beautiful,” said the first person. It happened because God snapped his fingers. The same thing was said by the second person, and God did the same thing. This desire persisted throughout the group.
God noticed the last man in line was giggling uncontrollably. The last man was laughing and rolling on the ground by the time God got to the last ten people. When it was his turn, the man laughed and said, “I wish they were all ugly again.
#2. A preacher fell into the ocean and was unable to swim. “Do you need help, sir?” yelled the captain of a passing boat. “I will be safe by God,” the preacher said calmly.
A few minutes later, another boat approached, and a fisherman asked, “Hey, do you need help?” “No I will be safe by God,” the preacher said again. The preacher eventually drowned and went to heaven. “Why didn’t you save me?” the preacher asked God. “Fool, I sent you two boats,” God replied.
#3. A man is conversing with God. “How long is a million years, God?” “It’s about a minute to me,” God responds. “How much is a million dollars, God?” “It’s a penny to me.” “Dear God, may I have a penny?” Wait a second.
#4. Two boys were sitting in a plaza when a lion who hadn’t eaten in days came hunting. The lion starts chasing after the two men. They run as fast as they can, and when one of them tires, he prays, “Please, Lord, turn this lion into a Christian.” He notices the lion on its knees when he looks around to see if the lion is still chasing. He turns around, relieved that his prayer has been answered, and walks towards the lion. As he approaches the lion, he hears it pray, Thank you, Lord, for the meal I am about to obtain.
#5. Two little boys were well-known troublemakers, stealing anything and everything they could get their hands on, including items from the church. One of the boys was stopped by a priest who inquired, “Where is God?” “Where is God?” the priest asked again, and the boy shrugged. The boy cried his way out of the cathedral and into his house, where he hid in a closet. His brother eventually found him and asked, “What’s wrong?” “We’re in trouble now!” said the crying boy. God has gone missing, and they believe we have taken him.
#6. A priest, a minister, and a rabbi are competing to see who is the best at their respective jobs. So they go into the woods, find a bear, and try to convert it. They later get together. “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water,” the priest begins. His first communion is next week.” “I found a bear by the stream and preached God’s holy word,” the minister says.
“The bear was so enthralled that he allowed me to baptize him.” They both look down at the rabbi, who is in a body cast and lying on a gurney. “In retrospect,” he says, “perhaps I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.
#7. Four nuns are waiting to enter heaven. God inquires of the first nun whether she has ever sinned. “Well, I’ve seen a penis,” she says. So God sprinkles holy water on her eyes and allows her to enter. He asks the second nun the same question, and she responds, “I’ve held a penis,” so he sprinkles holy water on her hands and allows her to enter.
The fourth nun then skips the third nun in line, and God wonders why she did so. “Well, I need to gargle it before she sits in it,” the fourth nun responds.
#8. On the way to church, a Sunday school teacher asked her students, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” “.”Because people are sleeping,” one young girl responded.
#9. Every ten years, the monastery’s monks are permitted to break their vow of silence and speak two words. After ten years, this is one monk’s first chance. He pauses for a moment before saying, “Food bad.” “Bed hard,” he says ten years later.
A decade later, it’s the big day. “I quit,” he says, giving the head monk a long stare. “I’m not surprised,” says the head monk. “You’ve been whining since you arrived.
#10. A church houses three Christian boys. The boys say one day, “Pastor, Pastor, Pastor! We have committed no wrongdoing.” In response, the pastor says, “Excellent. Each of you has been given one bad deed.” One of the boys’ returns and says, “Pastor, Pastor, Pastor! I shattered a car window.” “Go to the back, pray, and drink some holy water,” the pastor says. The second boy returns and says, “Pastor, Pastor, Pastor! I smacked a woman across the face.” “Go to the back, pray, and drink some holy water,” the pastor responds. The third boy enters and says, “Pastor, Pastor, Pastor! I urinated in holy water.
#11. Hearing confessions serves as a substitute for a Catholic priest. He is unsure what he should advise a confessor to do to atone for guilt incurred after performing a sexual favor for her boss. He peers out of the confessional and inquires of a nearby alter boy what the father charges for a bl*wjob. “Usually a Snickers and a ride home,” says the alter boy.
#12. A tutor was testing her students’ understanding of antonyms. “How does the opposite go?” she inquired. “Stop,” a student replied. “Very good,” said the teacher. “What is the antonym for adamant?” “Event,” said another student.
#13. For the first time, a small boy in church observed the ushers passing around the offering plates. “Don’t pay for me, Daddy, I’m under five,” the boy said loudly as they approached his pew.
#14. Churches should prohibit men from using Bible Mobile Apps while the sermon is in progress; 90% of them are checking sports scores.
#15. Not everyone who checks in on you cares…some just want to see if their witchcraft worked.
#16. When the church videographer is your boyfriend, you show up on the church screen more frequently than the preacher.
#17. The newlywed couple invited their elderly pastor to dinner on Sunday. The minister asked their son what they were having while they were in the kitchen preparing the meal. “Goat,” the youngster replied.
#18. My brother just returned with his girlfriend today, and they’ve been staring at me for the past 6 hours. They think I’ll go outside to give them some privacy. Please, God!!
#19. Some people will be taking memos in church as if they were going to read them later.
#20. Some girls will say, “I want a God-fearing man.” However, two weeks after accepting your proposal, she will request an iPhone rather than the King James Bible.
#21. How is Holy Water made? You take ordinary water and boil the devil out of it.
#22. Cain despised his brother for how long? As long as he was Abel, that is.
#23. Why did God create man first, then woman? He didn’t want to be told how to do the creation
#24. Why did Noah feel compelled to punish and discipline the chickens aboard the Ark?
They were speaking in fowl language. Did you know that cars existed during Jesus’ time?
Yup. According to the Bible, the disciples were all of one mind.
#25. Why do they say ‘Amen’ instead of ‘Awomen’ at the end of a prayer? We sing Hymns instead of Hers for the same reason!
#26. What do donkeys send out around the holidays? Greetings from Mule-tide.
#27. Who was the Bible’s wisest man? Abraham. He knew a lot of things.
#28. Noah most likely obtained milk from the cows aboard Ark. What did he take away from the ducks? Quackers.
#29. Who was the Bible’s greatest comedian? Samson — he was the one who brought the house down.
#30. Who was the Bible’s best female finance lady? The daughter of Pharaoh. She went down to the Nile’s bank and drew out a small prophet.
We also recommend:
- Christian Jokes for both Adults and Kids.
- 100 True or False Bible Questions With Answers.
- 20 Free Online Bible Courses with Certificate on Completion.
- 15 Accurate Translations of the Bible According to Scholars.
Conclusion
Church jokes increase the number of people who actually listen to the sermon. Why? Because everyone enjoys a good laugh. And, let’s be honest, a sermon or sermon supported by some clean and highly entertaining church jokes is more memorable.
Remember to add some jokes in your next sermon.
